Monday, February 26, 2018

Before and After

I finished the Gravity Shawl yesterday and did a quick block (water bath, no pinning) and it might be OK. It might need a steam block around the edging. You tell me.


I will do the steam block--the edging is quite a bit brighter and I think needs a little extra oomph to stand out.

I have a lot of yarn left from this, so I might do a stranded sock pattern like Spira (although I keep wondering whether I like Spira because it is so cheerful. I need more white sock yarn in the stash).

Yesterday was Tom's Celebration of Life. I was so completely scrambled afterwards. I know I don't do well with death events, so there's that. I just feel helpless. I also keep waiting for that feeling of peace and --I don't know, not closure exactly, just the feeling that I can stop holding my breath. But I didn't feel that (and I do realize this paragraph is all about me and my feelings and that's just WRONG on some level but yeah). I felt just completely wrung out at the end of it. Maybe because it was long--over 2 hours. Maybe because there was a lot of beautiful music and the singer in the band that played--a band that Tom played for--was a complete mess. Maybe it was seeing his three beautiful grown up sons and being so sad that their children wouldn't know Tom. It was just really, really hard.

It was pretty rainy and dark this weekend, and so I spent a lot of time knitting and reading. I even finished the first sleeve of the fair isle sleeve (pictures later). I also finished several books.

  • The Price of Illusion by Joan Juliet Buck. This was a memoir by a woman who used to edit French Vogue. It was OK--a bit name droppy and a bit boo hoo Vogue fired me and I have bad choices in men but I persisted.
  • Educated by Tara Westover. This is another memoir that is a 'hot' book because it is a memoir of a woman who grows up with a survivalist family in Idaho. The 'hook' for the book was she goes to Cambridge, and that is what I was most interested in (because England). However, the Cambridge part of the book is in the last 10%, and most of the book is her memoir of her childhood with her fundamentalist Mormon parents who were paranoid about government intervention. This part of the book (that is, most of the book) is really truly ugly. That said, there are several stories she recounts that include footnotes of the recollections of other family members (given she was a young child--under 10--for much) and the recollections of the other family members appear to be quite different. So I'm not sure how much of this is 'real' (and it is a memoir, so there's that) and how much is not truthful. Her 'source' materials were the diaries she kept throughout her life--even though she did not go to school, her mother made sure she could read and write (and that was about it). She is bright, clearly, but I'm not sure how trustworthy this memoir is. And if it was a novel, I would have stopped after the first three chapters. 
  • By the Book--a completely improbably novel about a woman professor who needs to get a book contract to get on the tenure track. She is caught between her former boyfriend, who is now the President of her college (at 39!) and her new boyfriend, a famous writer who may not be what he seems (ok he's not, but that's not a spoiler since his bad character is signaled from the moment he is introduced on the page). I think it is meant to be a homage to Pride and Prejudice--or maybe some other book, since they talk about Jane Eyre constantly--but it is pretty much silly chick lit. Luckily, I needed a mindless book for yesterday's sad afternoon and it fit the bill well.
So that's a catch up from me. 


Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend and while, indeed, it is sad for his family, it is sad for his FRIENDS too. I think your feelings are perfectly normal and a tribute to a man that obviously meant a lot to you.

My thoughts are with you at this very difficult time.

kathy b said...

The after of the shawl is just so lovely. I say its perfect.
Funerals and services are so hard and so emotional. Big hugs to you. Be good to you. You bring us such joy with your blog and your sharing of your life. We are reminded to treat each day as precious! Hugs

fillyjonk said...

I'm so sorry. (I kind of know what you're feeling now, with the "waiting for peace" - a good friend of mine from church died this weekend. I tell myself, "Once I know when his funeral is planned for I can maybe find some closure" but I don't know if that will happen. Weird things catch you up - I almost cried in one of the local groceries because one of the last times I saw him was randomly running into him there, as I was leaving and he was going in....)

That shawl is really pretty and now I'm off to look up the pattern....

KSD said...

Honestly, I don't think there is any such thing as "closure." You carry grief with you, and you miss the ones who are gone, always. You just find ways of carrying it with less pain. You'll get there. Here if you need me.

rosy said...

Very sorry to read of the loss of your friend. Grief does stay for a long time and then we realise we can accept after all and then there is peace. Sometimes it is a long process and sometimes it is hard even to remember the good times. But in the end you will.

rosy said...

The book, Educated, has had good reviews over here. I may recommend it to my Book Group as my 'personal and lent' pile is huge and slipping another one in as a group read is the only way I will get it to the top of the heap before Christmas 2019!